The Things I Didn't Do

Ugh, can you relate? This year has been so weird. Normally I love the word weird.

WEIRD : strange, odd, bizarre AND involving or suggesting supernatural, unearthly or uncanny.

However it also means not functioning properly or as expected, unstable, broken. This year has been weird in all senses of the word. I could sit here and tell you all of the things I did or didn't do, one being the fact that I really have been unable to write daily in my morning pages. It came to me last night that this has been an experiment. That my neglecting to write morning pages consistently has been an experiment. I feel as though I am in this quagmire of resistance. On coaching calls, in community calls and in account ability calls we have been speaking about self care. As I have led numerous calls I thought the group energy was enough to sustain me. Enough to feed my soul. I am realizing now that I am being asked to do ME. What this unplanned experiment of being inconsistent in writing morning pages has shown me is quite profound on one hand and so obvious on the other. This dumping grounds has been where I have written about my day to day issues. More importantly it was where I was constantly writing my mantras. I have taken up pen and paper again to do the morning pages. Personally my soul aches for this repetitive nature of writing out the mantras. In my day to day I am neglecting the saying of them except in group situations as alluded to with the many calls I am on. Right now it's not enough. I need more. I am choosing to be more consistent in writing out the mantras on a daily basis so that I can feel more connected with me